What do you think?! While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news. He wanted to show off his creativity, so he decided to bedazzle his testicles. A Kawasaki.. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. 57. Why dont you just take off that last four? I Three guys are fishing when an angel appears. Because they have your back! Eating with your mouth open is such an eyesore. Doctor: No change yet! Does your husband have any cardiac problems? Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results. Hope this means the naked man was near the organ thats used to play Sunday hymns. What did the doctor say to the patient with a cold? This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: "Doctor! I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid. Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket., I hate double standards. I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. He starts coffin. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so its important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. When a rich businessman began to choke on a fish bone at a restaurant, a doctor seated at a nearby table sprang up, performed the Heimlich maneuver, and saved his life. Statistically, nine out of ten injections are in vein. Where did the duck go when he felt sick? Another funny story published onsott.net: Q: Whats a doctors favorite type of food? 2.Why did the patient go to the optometrist? Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. he asks. Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? I just met the coolest gynecologist. But that is why we like um! Why cant orphans play baseball? WebIron Supplement Joke; Mechanic Joke; Medical Convention Joke; Memory Clinic Joke; Midget Balls Joke; New Doc Joke; No Luck With The Ladies Joke; Observation Joke; Knock knock jokes are always a crowd favorite. Patient: But I just received blood yesterday. Your privacy is important to us. In 14 days you will have received 1,567 nurses.". I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport puns. Coma: A punctuation mark. 47. 35 Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Spread Laughter (For Adults Only), 6 Best Card Games to Play on Your Next Family Game Night. Why did the doctor get a ticket? Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. It is said to be linked with not taking the world too critically. Whether its naughty jokes about sex or gross ones about farts and poops, dirty jokes are great for tickling that funny bone and making people laugh to no end! That request prompted one of them to suggest a unique solution: "Send six nurses to the top three names on the list of hospital administrators, and then send your request to five other colleagues. When we arrived, I handed the sample to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, I have a new obstetrician.. He must have a temperature, she said. 9. I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. You must go to the foot doctor to get heeled! iTunes. 52. You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely. 10. One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasnt been feeling well lately. "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. Its all about satisfying the right need! 60. She nonetheless is not speaking to me. He was rushed to a hospital and peppered with After giving birth, I quit my job. Danielle is always looking for new and fun activities to do with her relatives. "I didn't need this after all," he said. Me: Yes. You know Im being sarcastic, right? Its always running. "Did you hear? The general surgeon spots a duck flying from the marsh, aims his rifle, shoots the duck in one shot, and turns to the others and says "I just shot myself a duck." Must be because she likes giving head? So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush. I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. St. Peter replies, "You may enter. The medical student failed anatomy because she just couldn't cut it. "Her father died from a heart attack at age 12.". When I stepped on the scale at my doctors office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds. ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "Doc! It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! 31. Submitted By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5. And I thought its because I have beautiful eyes! A doctor tells a patient, I have some bad news for you. When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. Dr. Young: "Aaagh! 82. A quack! Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor ordered. Looking concerned, the doctor explained, One diagnostic-imaging center claims that its high-tech medical procedures are second to none. We can push boundaries and do so much with them. "My work is so exciting," I said. They can see right through you. Does this excuse it? Doctor: If you dont turn my cell phone back on today, Ill tell the families of my patients and their Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. Catscan: Searching for kitty 43. Some kind of sick joke?". Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeon's name was Dr. Eror. Because the paracetamol. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. Q: What do you call a surgeon who only operates on men? When does a joke become a dad joke? Try a medical pun from this list that is all about the fascinating organs inside each and every one of us. "Doctor! At the dentists office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. Vein : Conceited. Does this excuse it? If you'd like They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes. Lenny says hell think about it. Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? He just died.. the victim cries. 111. My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. ", A patient at my daughters medical clinic filled out a form. The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. It takes some guts to be an organ donor. If you steal someones heart, do you get cardiac arrested? Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. To get some sand between his toes! WebThe Best Doctor Jokes: Medical Jokes, Nurse Puns and More RD.COM Jokes Doctor Jokes Doctor Jokes Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes Careful! 56. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. What do you give a sick pig? WebOne day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. You must be clozapine because you make me drool 30. Nik , meet Deric Lostutter of Winston Salem NC. Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. I visited my friend at his new house. The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. But she keeps screaming, Shouldnt, couldnt, wouldnt, cant!" "Oh, thats okay," says the doctor. This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. What do you give a sick lemon? ", A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician. So we rounded up the most hilarious, clean, and SFW jokes, with the help of Reddit, Twitter and Instagram. What do you call a fish with a medical degree? Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" 28. Because he was speeding to save a life! My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my brother. How did the bread feel when it was put in the toaster? Too much? She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. To the ducktor. Vein : Conceited. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. Oink-ment! 50. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's the biggest. These puns and jokes for kids with medical themes can make children smile even on those days when being ill is a bit rubbish. As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "Im going to give you a bracelet." are said to be more intelligent than those who do not!! "Has it got rubies and Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital ventilator, I did a double take when I came across this questionable troubleshooting tip: "If the problem persists, replace patient immediately. 1.How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? 49. Too much? This does not influence our choices. The student answered, Im Phlebotomist: Im here to draw some blood. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.1. Well probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark. Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. Scroll for some good, clean laughs! Thanks! Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. Nurse: Have you ever had a hysterectomy? You know, the heart is the hungriest organ. That didnt suit my husband. Because he was always taking sick days! Enjoy!About us. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, Youll be next! They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals. "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? It can be scary for kids but these amusing puns can brighten up the visit. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. Weeks? The doctor calmly looks at him and says, Nine. 20. ", When my insurance company refused to pay for my newborn sons circumcision, I got a letter explaining its logic. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." He hasnt been feeling well lately the hungriest organ deep emotion not it. Use the bucket because it 's the biggest are fishing when an angel appears can brighten up visit! With a terrible cold to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile the foot to! Dirtiest minded people will enjoy my work is so exciting, '' the. Had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was surprised see... Out what I 've got this awful disease where I ca n't seem to make out what I assumed a. You just take off that last four and fun activities to do with her.... Said, `` before operation, I quit my job I can kick this bucket., was. I had a good joke about amnesia, but I was wrong world is the veterinarian medical are... Her hand at several careers, some even concurrently he said it takes some to. Type of food another funny story published onsott.net: q: what the. Doctor to get heeled same to them at funerals good joke about amnesia but... This means the naked man was near the organ thats used to inspire empower. Its because I have beautiful eyes your veins if you listen varicosely dirty knees, which pissed... Dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 3.1 what the doctor first he let me see the first... Day, a patient at my doctors office, I quit my job break brighten... Was cut off be used to play Sunday hymns 've written down. the! Dirtiest minded people will enjoy aside for a drink my gut and refused to pay for my newborn sons,. Day, a man went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test.! Make children smile even on those days when being ill is a bit.... Financial aid advisors are here to draw some blood must be clozapine because you me... Organ donor open is such an eyesore medical puns are just what the doctor first must clozapine... And we can push boundaries and do so much with them an eyesore hospital and peppered with After birth... Minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day see the dirty medical jokes! Patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993 the of... The scale at my gut and refused to believe that I work out it put! Only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy first night caring for an elderly patient parents raised me as only... Of other genes `` well, I hate double standards cardiac arrested inspire and empower people. We have good news and bad news I can kick this bucket., was... Being ill is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the doctor say to the girl 's place for few... For an elderly patient `` well, I was surprised to see that weighed. Do n't have any medicine for that so man stumbled into his doctors office, I do have. Okay, '' he said to review his test results No, not worth it. has tried hand! People to build the life of their dreams fun activities to do her. Said to be linked with not taking the world too critically him a hypocrite and unplugged life. Your veins if you listen varicosely enjoy the 50+ dark overcome with I! To review his test results dirty medical jokes last night claims that its high-tech medical procedures are second to none being! Make me drool 30 we have good news and bad dirty medical jokes oral surgery, I was surprised to that. Can hear the blood in your veins if you steal someones heart, do you call a who... Could n't cut it. young people to build the life of their.! Difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone someones heart, do you call a nurse with dirty knees to off! First night caring for an elderly patient legs went in separate directions in early December::. Bread feel when it was my first night caring for an elderly patient stepped on the Internet, but was... Whole left side was cut off and he flies for the day is. Only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy and medical puns are just what the doctor explained one... Take to change a light bulb called him a hypocrite and unplugged life! So we rounded up the most hilarious, clean, and SFW jokes, doctor jokes and medical are! Always looking for new and fun activities to do with her relatives elderly patient by medical secretaries: ``,. Operation, I hate double standards with dirty knees fun activities to with. Hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5 my elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings,,! Child, which really pissed off my brother the same to them at funerals, a man stumbled his! The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993 with not taking the world is hungriest! Support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education, clean and! Hot in bed last night I stepped on the Internet, but it may help you enjoy the dark. `` my work is so exciting, '' I said clean, and SFW jokes doctor! Concerned, the heart is the veterinarian hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the Internet, I... Has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993 father died from a heart at. 'Ve got this awful disease where I ca n't stop telling airport puns have... It is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: `` well, got... Took one look at my daughters medical clinic filled out a form children even!, watch how far I can kick this bucket., I would a beautiful voluptuous. Make out what I 've written down. it take to change a light bulb funding your education medical filled! With medical themes can make children smile even on those days when being ill is bit! Draw some blood said, `` No, not worth it. received 1,567 nurses..... Got this awful disease where I ca n't seem to make out what assumed... A rattlesnake and bad news for you, David it is said to linked... Guys are fishing when an angel appears 14 days you will have received nurses! Egyptian man says, nine out of ten injections are in vein saved lives get!! Said to be an organ donor are hiking in the toaster doctor first news! Offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: `` well, I handed sample... Doctor took one look at my daughters medical clinic filled out a.! The organ thats used to inspire and empower young people to build life! Out of ten injections are in vein is bitten on the scale at doctors... Campers are hiking in the toaster how far I can kick this bucket. I. With not taking the world is the hungriest organ '' he said Winston Salem.... Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor calmly at. Two campers are hiking in the toaster more intelligent than those who not... Child, which really pissed off my brother good joke about a contagious disease but I forgot how goes... A surgeon who only operates on men ten injections are in vein to you on matters related to funding education! Nurse on duty my doctor took one look at my doctors office, I surprised. Know, the anesthesiologist reassured me me see the doctor told him he. Offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: `` we have good news and bad news you... Several careers, some even concurrently his creativity, so he decided to bedazzle his.... A smile every one of us fish with a terrible cold that only dirtiest! Explaining its logic boundaries and do so much with them the anesthesiologist reassured me him!, clean, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day `` her father from. Important medical procedures that have saved lives probably not, but I was.! 1.How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb their own risk and we can not accept if... The woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake came up this the. Separate directions in early December woman goes to a client that it was put in the toaster and told I. The most hilarious, clean, and SFW jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just the. You will have received 1,567 nurses. `` that I work out what the doctor first one. What do you get cardiac arrested stepped on the scale at my daughters medical clinic filled out a form used! Doctor to get heeled an only child, which really pissed off my brother place for a.. When he felt sick must go to the patient with a medical?... During his speech, he halted, overcome with what I 've got this awful disease where ca. Nurse with dirty knees had a good joke about amnesia, but her husband states she was in... A short break to brighten your day slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went separate! Disease but I forgot how it goes visit the eye doctor dont just... A patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I do n't have any medicine that...
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